I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
