How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
