no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We just shotgunned beers for America
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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