What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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