thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
