The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
