yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED