Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
