fuck your aforementioned shoe
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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