How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low