Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist