I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men