Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS