I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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