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hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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