No period for spring break; use this wisely.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
