the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
