You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
