yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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