Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
