my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
