omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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