Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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