so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
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How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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