No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
