batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
