NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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