I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
