I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
