i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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