When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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