Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
