We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
