apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
