question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
