He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I want her autograph on my taint
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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