no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
