Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
