Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
