This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
