that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
