your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
