first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
