i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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