it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
