she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
