I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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