Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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