he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
