I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
