It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
