I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
