I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
