Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
