i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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