saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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