Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
