This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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