she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
