Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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