Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
