The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm jealous of your bromance
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
