I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
not ubering you a puppy
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