The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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