I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
