I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
