I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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