Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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