butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So. Much. Porn.
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