I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
