I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
