I love black thongs
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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