They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
